“Life doesn’t get more forgiving; we get stronger and more resilient.” – Steve Maraboli

Being resilient is being able to cope with adversity, to adapt, to learn, and to move forward. True resilience promotes a better well-being, and as you strengthen your well-being, you become more resilient. However, various beliefs and mindsets can cloud the concept of being resilient, which can lead to many misconceptions. 

Misconception No. 1: “You either have it, or you do not.”

Truth No. 1: You were born resilient! There are many challenges you have faced in life. Learning to walk, talk or even read may seem second nature. But at some point, you faced the challenge and, through your natural resiliency, adapted, learned and moved forward. The truth is that we are all born with some resiliency, and we can all strengthen our resiliency. Strengthening your resilience begins with recognizing you are resilient and beginning to foster self-compassion. By showing yourself compassion in the way you show a friend or loved one compassion, you are able to bring caring to your pain. This makes you more resilient, confident and capable. 

Misconception No. 2: “When you are resilient, you don’t have any problems, and nothing bothers you.”

Truth No. 2: Every human being has problems. It is naïve to believe that some people “just don’t have any problems.” Everyone has a struggle. Although we all have varying degrees of issues, it doesn’t mean we don’t over-focus on the challenge at hand. Being resilient is when you learn from your challenges and adapt. Problems are inevitable. How we face our challenges is in our control.

Misconception No. 3: “You don’t need anyone else or need any help.”

Truth No. 3: We are social beings. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing our strengths and acknowledging when we need additional assistance is a strength. We sometimes feel like it is stronger to solve our own problems without anyone’s help, but asking for help can save us time, create mental space, and allow us to learn from someone else’s strength. Thus, we can see our own strengths and learn to see other people’s strengths.

Misconception No. 4: “Being resilient is ALWAYS good.”

Truth No. 4: This misconception is where the concept of resilience really becomes flexible. When you are resilient, much like when recognizing your strengths, you also recognize an environment that is toxic. In these situations, it is important to know when to let go. It is stronger and often more uncomfortable to leave a toxic relationship or workplace than it is to continue to try and make it work. 

Misconception No. 5: “When you are resilient, you can always bounce back.”

Truth No. 5: There are many things we don’t bounce back from. The idea of bouncing back is assuming we can return to the past. Since we can’t yet time travel, we must learn to “bounce forward.” We adapt to the current situation. We recognize our strength and how we can use our tools to live in the present moment. Wanting to “return to normal” or “bounce back” is never possible. Every moment you are alive, you are growing, learning, adapting. You are a different person now than you were 10 years ago, two years ago, even this morning. Live in the now with the strengths you currently have. 

Ways to strengthen your resiliency are to show yourself compassion, gratitude and appreciation for all you have now, and as challenges arrive, stay calm and present. You can face the problems in front of you. You are stronger than you believe!