Psychology Today reported that the average adult makes approximately 35,000 decisions each day. Children make approximately 3,000 decisions each day. Talk about decision fatigue!
The truth is, consciously or subconsciously, we make decisions every minute of every day. The same is true for our teenagers.
As our children become less dependent upon us as parents to help guide their decisions, they will experience more freedom to make choices on their own. This keeps many parents up and night, especially as their kids enter adolescence. Mental growth doesn’t necessarily involve the amount of information a teenager is learning but how that information is processed. Younger teenagers are concrete thinkers, seeing life in basic terms: right or wrong, black or white, true or false. Gray areas tend to confuse them. Around eighth grade, teenagers begin to process thoughts abstractly. Other people’s beliefs and opinions expand their thoughts and challenge their way of thinking. This is why social media can be dangerous and become a slippery slope for teenagers. In the transition from concrete thoughts, where everything is one way or the other, to abstract thoughts, where nothing is known for sure, teenagers face doubt and indecision.
Why are decisions so critical? Because our choices define our character.
5 Questions to Teach Teenagers on Making Wise Decisions
1. What Is the Right Thing for Me to Do?
Thanks to social media, our teenagers are drowning in information and starving for wisdom. Just because something is trending and popular or an “influencer” recommends something doesn’t mean it’s right or true, especially for your teenager. As our teens find themselves standing at the fork of the road trying to make the right decision, more than anything, they need wisdom and perspective.
I heard someone once say that to find wisdom, you must look for it; to gain understanding, you must work for it! As parents, it’s important to encourage our kids to seek advice from wiser, more experienced or mature individuals who can share perspective, wisdom and guidance, especially regarding choices that will impact your child’s morals, mission in life, and future mate. One of the benefits of seeking advice is you learn from others’ mistakes, failures and successes. Why is this important? Because our decisions will determine our destiny.
2. What Do I Need to Know?
Anytime a decision is on the table, encourage your teen to get all the facts before making a decision.
Unfortunately, too many teenagers – and even adults – make decisions based on uneducated enthusiasm. Life is not about making quick decisions; it’s about making the right decisions.
It’s essential to help our kids see the importance of getting all the facts so they clearly understand what to expect before deciding.
When our oldest daughter was in the middle of sixth grade, she approached us with the idea of switching schools. At the time, she was attending a private school that she had attended since kindergarten. She wanted to explore possibly changing schools and attending a public middle school near our home. We were shocked that she was desiring to make such a radical change. My wife and I were scared out of our minds to put her into an environment that she may not be ready for on an academic or social level.
The first thing we encouraged her to do was to write out a pros and cons list. Secondly, we scheduled a tour of the middle school she was considering so she could meet some of the teachers, administrators and students to get a better feel for the environment she would be involved in every day during the school year. As we weighed all the facts and considered all the pros and cons, we knew it was vital that she decide for herself. Either way, we assured her of our support. She made the decision after seeking wisdom, getting the facts, and waiting for her own affirmations and peace in her heart. As scary as it was initially, it was one of the most important and best decisions she ever made. Her decision set her up and opened the door to other opportunities that prepared her for what she is doing professionally today.
3. Is It Worth It?
Every decision has a price tag! It will cost time, money, energy, reputation, etc. Often, our kids don’t count or weigh the cost of their choices.
One of the laws of life to pass along to your teenager is this principle, “It’s easier to get IN something than it is to get OUT of something.” It’s easier to get in debt than out of debt. It’s easier to fill up your calendar than to fulfill it! Our kids must learn to calculate the cost of their decisions because every decision has a price tag.
4. What Could Go Wrong?
Murphy’s Law says, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” No matter how hard our kids try to make good decisions, they will encounter unexpected problems. It’s a fact of life, and some of those problems are out of their control. We can’t ignore problems because problems don’t ignore us!
An excellent motto to pass on to your teenager is this principle: “Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.” Our teens must remember that every good idea has something wrong with it. However, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t pursue their ideas, hopes and dreams. It just means they need to be aware and prepared because every wise person knows there are problems with every decision they make and prepares for them. There will always be a reason to say no, but that does not mean it’s not the season to say yes.
5. What Am I Afraid of?
Fear is the root of all indecision. Whether it’s fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment, making a commitment you can’t keep, or the fear your hopes and dreams will never come to pass, fear paralyzes us from stepping out and deciding to go for it. The secret to helping our kids get unstuck is to move against their fear and do what they fear most!
Rodney Gage is a family coach, author, speaker, and the founding pastor of ReThink Life Church, which meets at Lake Nona High School. His passion is to help families win at home and in life. To learn more about how you can get a copy of his new book called Why Your Kids Do What They Do, go to www.thewinningfamily.com or ReThinkLife.com.