The Wall Street Journal recently featured disturbing results from a national opinion poll on views toward faith, family values, patriotism, hard work and community involvement. Americans’ priority for each of these appears to have dropped dramatically over the last few decades. The only value/priority that has increased is America’s love of money.
They indicate that from 1998 to today, the number of Americans who say religion is “very important” to them plummeted from 62% to 39%, and those who believe having children is “very important” dropped from 59% to 30%. Those who see patriotism as “very important” has gone from 70% to 38%.
Traditional family values we once held in high esteem are rapidly declining. We could point to many reasons regarding the decline in traditional values.
However, my questions for you are these: “What is most important to you, and what do you want to be known for?” If these questions are easy to answer, I could guess you haven’t thought about them long enough! If you take a shortcut to adopt someone else’s answers or responses, they probably won’t last when heartaches and difficulties hit. And if you say you value everything, that means you don’t value your values enough to take the time to consider what you want to be known for.
Remember, what we believe determines how we behave. What we value ultimately determines who we become.
Renowned author and speaker John C. Maxwell says, Your core values are the deeply held beliefs that authentically describe your soul. You choose the higher course in life by embracing and practicing good values daily. Your life will go in the direction you will always feel good about. You may not always get what you desire, but you will always be the person you desire to be.
Why are core values in life so important? Because our character, defined by our values, determines our impact on the people around us. Values are slippery. If we’re not careful, they fall out of our hearts, minds, mouths and choices. Let me encourage you to act on the following steps.
1. Identify Your Core Values.
Start a conversation with your spouse or friend and lean into these two questions: 1. What is most important to me (us)? 2. What do I (we) want to be known for? Why is this so important? Because if everything is important, nothing is important. If you value everything, you won’t value anything! You can download a FREE values worksheet at thewinningfamily.com.
2. Make Your Values Practical, Portable and Emotional.
I recommend narrowing your values down to five, no more than 10. Write them down, edit them so they’re just right, and then post them somewhere so everyone can see them. They need to be crisp, memorable and specific. Vague values don’t inspire anyone. If you can’t tweet them, they’re too long.
3. Be Creative in How to Talk About Your Stated Values.
Call them your “family mantra,” “playbook,” “creed,” etc. The point is that our values should inspire us, not depress us or discourage us. If we communicate our values and our kids roll their eyes, we may need to return to the drawing board (unless the eye-rollers are teenagers, which is completely expected).
4. Live Your Values.
Use object lessons to show your children the effects of good and weak values and reinforce them in countless ways. However, the most effective way is to live what you believe and what is most important to you. Actions speak louder than words! Remember, you can fool a fool, con a con, but you can’t kid a kid.
5. Base Every Decision on Your Values.
There will always be adjustments and some challenging conversations along the way. Still, sooner or later (hopefully sooner), your values will become the background music to everything that happens to you, your spouse, and your family.
I know this sounds like busy work you don’t have time for. However, it’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself, your marriage (future marriage), your family, and all those who interact with you. For at least a month, review your stated values daily with your spouse and children. Ask how they choose to live by them and their struggles to honor and follow them. When they mess up, don’t condemn. Instead, listen, affirm their honesty, and admit that learning to live by them is a process. Gradually, the atmosphere of your home and relationships will change, and the two leading questions we started with are, what is most important to me (us)? And what do I (we) want to be known for? It will become apparent in what you value in your life, marriage and family.
Rodney Gage is a family mentor, author, speaker and the founding pastor of ReThink Life Church, which meets at Lake Nona High School. His passion is to help families win at home and in life. To receive a FREE copy of one of his books, go to www.thedoublewinclub.com. To learn more about his marriage and parenting mentoring, check out thewinningfamily.com and rethinklife.com.
