With Valentine’s Day upon us, I want to encourage you to do something that can make all the difference in your marriage and relationships to grow closer and stronger together as a couple. Just like we schedule a time with the CPA to help with our taxes, schedule a physical with your doctor, or schedule a parent-teacher conference to review your child’s performance at school, how about planning a “check-up” with your spouse to determine the health and intimacy of your marriage?
Below are five categories to help you evaluate the health and intimacy of your marriage on a scale of 1-10.
1. Communication
If you’re going to avoid drifting in your relationship, you have to make it a priority to enter each other’s world by talking with each other. According to Notebook Check, “most iPhone users spend 39 hours and 54 minutes on their phones per week.” As a confession, I am as guilty as anyone of looking at my phone while eating lunch or dinner with my wife, Michelle, or watching a TV show. If you have young children, it’s even harder to carve out alone time to connect one-on-one as a couple. Let me encourage you to set aside a weekly date lunch or dinner (no phones out) to “check in” and enter each other’s world. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your communication with each other?
2. Consideration
I heard the joke about the newly married couple who took evening walks together; if she tripped, he murmured, “Careful, sweetheart.” The same couple, 10 years later, walk down the same street; she stumbles, and he says, “Pick up your feet, clumsy!” Whether you’re newly married or have been married for decades, it’s easy to become less caring or considerate toward each other, especially if you’re tired, stressed, preoccupied or have fallen into the trap of simply being self-focused. Look for ways and opportunities to help carry each other’s burdens and show support, appreciation, respect and encouragement toward each other. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your tone, touch and tenderness toward each other?
3. Compromise
Three Facts Marriage:
1) You will have conflict.
2) Because we’re all different, there will be issues we’ll never agree upon in marriage.
3) Compromise is the evidence of real love. You must learn to yield your rights, meet in the middle, become more flexible, and mutually submit to one another. If you commit to those attitudes and behaviors, you will have a rewarding marriage. On a scale of 1-10, how are you finding the win-win in your relationship?
4. Courtship
One of my mentors taught me that “the key to having a successful marriage is by keeping the honey in the honeymoon.” What did he mean by that? Date your mate! What you did early on in your marriage is what you have to prioritize later on in your marriage to keep the same passion, affection and fun to remain best friends in your relationship. Find a hobby or fun things you enjoy doing together. On a scale of 1-10, how is the fun factor in your marriage? What can you put on the schedule that you both look forward to doing together this week?
5. Commitment
Marriage is what you make it. And your relationship will become what you both are committed to making it. You have to lock the escape hatch if you want a great marriage. Several years ago, my wife and I visited the famous “Love Lock Bridge” over the Pont des Arts River overlooking the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Thousands of couples visit each year to make or renew their vows to each other by attaching a lock to the fence, locking it, and throwing away the key into the river as a token of their love and commitment. Sadly, more than 50% of those couples did not honor those vows and commitment to each other. Why? Because even with the best of intentions, they drifted away from practicing the four areas we’ve pointed out in this article. On a scale of 1-10, no matter the past or current struggles, what is your commitment to each other? Find a lock and bridge near you, renew your vows, and throw away the key. You’ll be glad you did!
Rodney Gage is a family mentor, author, speaker and the founding pastor of ReThink Life Church, which meets at Lake Nona High School. His passion is to help families win at home and in life. To learn more about his marriage and parenting mentoring, or how you can receive a FREE copy of his new book check out thewinningfamily.com and rethinklife.com
