There is someone you chat with all day. This someone knows your thoughts and true feelings, and it is someone who knows when you are serving up a plate of bullcrap. You chat with this person – and they may be nice – but for some reason, they tend to be super critical and rarely satisfied. This person can also be very negative. After years of evolution, this person is predisposed to warn you of all the dangers out in the world. To be honest, it is what has kept this person’s species alive, but now, it is harming your relationship.
This person is you.
Humans have evolved with a negativity bias. It allowed us to survive the attack of a tiger by worrying and preparing that, at any moment, a tiger may be ready to pounce. Luckily for us current humans, tigers are no longer a danger for us. In fact, tigers are now considered endangered as a result of human behavior.
Yet, our fight-or-flight response toward tigers in our limbic brain hasn’t evolved in 50,000 years. And it’s not just tigers; our response is the same for any stress-inducing situation. Experiences that cause and promote tension often produce thoughts to worry, fear, flee, or fight. This 50,000-year-old friend lives inside you, me, and all of those you encounter.
Unfortunately, there is no way of getting rid of your brain chatter or your mental worries. Your mind may be quieted through meditation and calming behavior, but the chatter will forever remain. Fortunately for you, you can learn to embrace your wise, old self. You can learn to love yourself with all of your chatter, negative thoughts, worries, and fears by embracing the fact that you have overcome obstacles in life and showing your wise, old friend a sentiment of gratitude. In essence, you thank your mind for trying to protect you.
Learning to love yourself means embracing ALL parts of you – especially the ugly ones. You’ll even notice that as you grow the love for yourself, your compassion and caring for others will also grow.
A simple, loving, kindness meditation or metta meditation can place good, positive chatter in the already-predisposed negative space. It’s the metaphorical planting of flowers in the space of weeds.
Another easy way to grow the love you have for yourself is to simply place both hands over your heart and bring a gentle smile to your face. Feeling the warmth of your hands over your heart releases the hormone oxytocin. This hormone is responsible for the feeling of calm and the sensation of connection.
For the next week, fall in love with yourself. Every morning, wake up and place your hands over your heart. Silently say to yourself 10 times: “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live a life at ease.”
As you say it, let it feel as though you are granting a wish instead of pleading or asking for one. Assume the role of the genie and grant yourself happiness, health and ease.
This needn’t take long; simply grant yourself all the love you deserve.
Waking up and showing love to the most important person in the world starts the day with compassion and grace for all that will occur. YOU are the most important person in the world. Remind yourself how much you love YOU.
The exercise can then be modified to include people you love, strangers, coworkers, and ultimately every living being. It can be extremely powerful when practicing toward someone you may have a hard time with.
“May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life at ease.”
“May we all be happy. May we all be healthy. May we all live a life at ease.”
Giving this gift of love will likely fill you with more love. Absorb the sensation of kindness and continue to grow the love you have toward yourself. As the Dalai Lama said, “Peace starts within each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us.”
