“Every habit and capability is confirmed and grows in its corresponding actions, walking by walking and running by running. … Therefore, if you want to do something, make a habit of it. If you don’t want to do that, don’t, but make a habit of something else instead.” – Epictetus, Discourses, 2.18.1-5
The search for happiness is one that has puzzled minds throughout time. Happiness is not tangible and is often fleeting. It doesn’t always arrive when we think it will, and oftentimes, we expect happiness to come after something else happens. (I’ll be happy when …) It’s evident in the Declaration of Independence: “Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of Happiness.” There is no guarantee.
I recently held a Mom, Move, Learn event at Dockside in Lake Nona where we discussed the changes that happen in our brain when women become mothers and how we can establish habits to create a positive bias to increase joy and happiness. Our brain, forever moldable and malleable, receptive and learning, can increase the good or the bad. This is called neuroplasticity, and it is not exclusive to mothers. Our brains are constantly taking in information and reinforcing beliefs. It picks and chooses what to focus on based on previous beliefs and strengthens or adapts its neural pathways based on our thoughts and behavior. Any time you’ve changed a habitual behavior, you have experienced neuroplasticity.
In essence, anything we practice we get better at. Thus, we learn how to walk, run, brush our teeth, eat food and any other behavior you rarely have to put forth effort to accomplish. We get so good at it that it becomes almost automatic. If what we practice we get better at, then we can choose what to practice, and we can create behavior that increases the good we naturally have within. Habits are not limited to behavior; our mind has repeated thoughts that also become habitual.
The habit to increase happiness is recognizing the good that is currently here. We often live worrying about the future or regretting and replaying the past. The past is what created the person you are right now. The future is the hope of what you will become, but literally, right now is the only moment you have. Happiness is not something we get “WHEN.” Happiness is something we recognize “NOW.”
The truth is, RIGHT NOW, you are breathing. Right now, you can see this article, so your eyes are taking in information. Right now, you can stop and see the colors and textures around you. Right now, you are hopefully safe. Your mind may make you a prisoner, worrying about what’s to come or regretting choices from the past, but you can’t do much about that. What you can do is take a moment to appreciate all that is good RIGHT NOW.
Creating the habit of recognizing what is currently good begins to strengthen and change your neural pathways. You begin to take in the good, and taking in the good becomes easier and easier. Suddenly, life becomes a bit lighter because you have shifted your focus to notice all that is right instead of worrying about all that is wrong and waiting for the wrong to get “fixed” in order to be happy.
Awareness of our thoughts and worries is garnered by practicing mindfulness and meditation. If you don’t have a current meditation practice, I have a free 7-day meditation habit starter at www.nataliafoote.com. It takes 5-8 minutes a day, but a simple 5-second reflection every day begins to strengthen your ability to NOTICE the good. Naturally, the more you practice, the better you’ll get at resting in what’s good by using habit formation as a way to lighten the daily load.
Thich Nhat Hanh said, “We should learn to ask ‘What’s not wrong?’ and be in touch with that. … Life is filled with many wonders, like the blue sky, the sunshine, the eyes of a baby. … Breathing is very enjoyable, but many people appreciate the joy of breathing only when they have asthma or a stuffed-up nose. We don’t need to wait. … Awareness of the precious elements of happiness is itself the practice of right mindfulness. … The secret to happiness is happiness itself. … We can be in touch with these things right now.”
Start now, this moment, before you get distracted and your mind moves to its habitual thinking. Acknowledge the good within. Notice all that is working and that is right with yourself, your body, your mind. Take 5 seconds to soak in the good, and remember that good within is always there for you to appreciate.
