Parenting is more than a journey – it’s a calling to shape the hearts, minds and futures of our children. Each stage of life offers new opportunities to guide them intentionally toward spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial and relational success. Research confirms that children thrive when parents invest in them with purpose, adapting strategies to their needs at each stage of development.
After 33 years of marriage, raising three children and welcoming two grandchildren, my wife, Michelle, and I are often asked by parents we mentor, “What should we prioritize and focus on at each age and stage of raising our children?”
Here is a practical blueprint to help you champion your parenting success and make every moment count along the way.
Stage One: Lay the Foundation (Birth to 5 Years)
What you build today will determine what they stand on tomorrow.
The early years are a time of rapid growth, where trust, security and habits take root. According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, 90% of a child’s brain development occurs by age five. This makes early childhood a critical period for shaping neural pathways that influence learning, behavior and health.
Steps to Help You Win in This Stage:
1. Set the Rhythm: Consistent routines for meals, naps and play create a sense of security and predictability, which is foundational to emotional development.
2. Speak Life: Studies show that children who hear positive affirmations develop stronger self-esteem and emotional resilience.
3. Model Faith Early: Introducing prayers, Bible stories and spiritual songs plants seeds of faith that can last a lifetime.
4. Spark Curiosity: Age-appropriate toys and books stimulate cognitive development and encourage problem-solving skills.
5. Prioritize Health: The CDC emphasizes that good nutrition, adequate sleep and physical activity in early childhood significantly impact lifelong well-being.
Stage Two: Build the Framework (Ages 6 to 12)
This is the season for teaching them what matters most.
In this stage, children are developing a sense of competence and responsibility. Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory highlights this as the stage where children need encouragement to master new skills and take on responsibilities, laying the groundwork for their future work ethic and character.
Steps to Help You Win in This Stage:
1. Make Responsibility Fun: Assign chores and use rewards or challenges to teach accountability and self-discipline. Research links these practices to improved academic and social outcomes.
2. Anchor Them in Core Values: Teach integrity, kindness and respect through real-life examples and family discussions. Harvard researchers affirm that modeling values helps children internalize them.
3. Plant Seeds of Stewardship: Introducing basic financial concepts, like saving and budgeting, fosters financial literacy, a skill many adults struggle to master.
4. Champion Friendships: The American Psychological Association notes that positive peer relationships during this stage enhance social and emotional development.
5. Deepen Spiritual Roots: Regular church attendance and family devotional times can nurture a deeper connection to God and a sense of purpose.
Stage Three: Shape Their Compass (Ages 13 to 18)
Teenagers don’t need perfection; they need direction.
Adolescence is marked by significant brain changes and a heightened focus on identity, belonging and purpose. Research published in the Journal of Adolescent Health shows that parents who maintain open communication and clear boundaries help teens make better decisions, resist peer pressure and develop confidence.
Steps to Help You Win in This Stage:
1. Be Their Safe Place: Listening without judgment fosters emotional trust and strengthens the parent-teen relationship.
2. Set Guardrails, Not Roadblocks: Clear boundaries with flexibility teach responsibility while respecting their need for autonomy.
3. Coach Wise Choices: Guide them through decisions about friendships, dating and goals by teaching critical thinking and discernment.
4. Develop a Vision: Partner with your teen to dream about their future, aligning their goals with their passions and God’s purpose for their life.
5. Walk the Talk: Teens are highly sensitive to inconsistency. Living out the values you teach ensures credibility and influence.
Stage Four: Release With Confidence (Ages 18 and Beyond)
Parenting doesn’t end – it evolves.
As children transition into adulthood, your role shifts from authority to advisor. Research from the Fuller Youth Institute confirms that strong parental relationships during this stage help young adults stay grounded in their faith and navigate life’s challenges with confidence.
Steps to Help You Win in This Stage:
1. Cheer From the Sidelines: Offer encouragement and wisdom but allow them to make their own decisions to build independence.
2. Promote Lifelong Growth: Support their pursuit of education, skills or passions that align with their gifts and calling.
3. Teach Financial Freedom: Provide guidance on budgeting, saving and investing to help them achieve financial independence.
4. Stay Spiritually Connected: Maintain family prayer times and encourage their involvement in faith-based communities.
5. Celebrate the Journey: Recognize and honor milestones to deepen relational bonds and affirm their progress.
Final Word
Parenting isn’t about perfection – it’s about being present and purposeful. Raising our kids can be by default or by design. Make every stage count and watch your children thrive in every area of their lives.
