When I was growing up, my grandmother had a saying she would always say to me: “Sharon, you wake up every morning, and no matter how you feel, you get up, put a smile on your face, put on your pearl earrings, and you start your day! Nobody wants to hear about your aches and pains. Besides, if you pretend to be happy … eventually, you really feel that way.” My grandmother lived to the ripe young age of 91, so it’s easy to believe that her theory on how to live life had some merit. I always admired how put-together she was, and from my point of view, Grandma Gertie seemed pretty damn happy! So, from a young age, I, too, did my best to adopt this “fake-it-til-you-make-it” way of life.

I never really thought of myself as a fake. … No, I was a perfectionist! I did whatever I could to be the perfect daughter, student, girlfriend, wife, mother and friend. Many days, I would wake up exhausted, not wanting to deal with all the things that were on my plate (that I voluntarily, mind you, put there). But, like Grandma, I plastered on a fake smile and went about my day. 

For the most part, this way of living served me well. I got good grades, was successful at whatever job I chose, had many friends, married a wonderful man, and eventually gave birth to two fantastic kids – one boy, one girl – I even strived to do that perfectly! I was happy-ish. Never able to feel content, though, because I always felt there was something more I could have done. I could have put a note in their lunchbox, made more of an effort to look nice for my husband on date night, worked harder on that project, gone out to coffee with my friend even though I had no time. Sadly, I never questioned feeling this way. I just thought it meant that I wasn’t doing something right, and when I figured out what I was doing wrong, everything would suddenly be rainbows and unicorns in my life. This idea of my perfect life being just out of my reach led me down a road of even more perfectionism – and dare I say, even more anxiety and depression.

But last year, I had an AH-HA! moment. By chance, I happened to come across an old Oprah interview she did with Brené Brown and I heard her say, “…Perfectionism is the ultimate fear that the world is going to see them for who they really are and they won’t measure up!” That statement hit me like a bag of bricks. Brown went on to share that perfectionism is very different than striving for excellence. Rather, it is a cognitive behavior and feeling that says, “…if I look perfect or do perfect work and live a so-called perfect life, then I will avoid judgment, shame and blame.” All these years, I have been striving to be perfect and worrying so much about what others would think instead of just living authentically and being the only person I really can be … ME!

For the past 10 months now, I have been trying to be more authentic. I think a lot of people just think this new, more laid back, much more honest and open me is just a midlife crisis … and perhaps they are right. What I have found is that being authentic means having to be vulnerable, and that is not easy. It is a choice every day I must make to not care so much what others think. It takes a lot of courage to be imperfect. But on the days that I am brave enough to let my guard down and let others see me, those are the days I am finding that I experience true joy, the days when I am the most creative, the times I feel most connected to those around me.

I’m trying new things now, like GOAT YOGA. I didn’t care that I might not be able to do it perfectly or what I would look like while doing it … I just did it. And look at my face in the pictures … that is honest happiness. I can now choose to see that joy in the picture, rather than my love handles and double chin. I can’t help but wonder how many pictures I erased over the years that may have held that same look of bliss just because I couldn’t get past the need to look perfect?

Being vulnerable and authentic doesn’t mean I don’t care about my appearance, or that I won’t be working hard to be the best version of me I can be. Nope, it just means that on the days I wake up feeling achy, I certainly am not going to put on any pearl earrings … and that, my friends, is PERFECTLY okay!