Have You Been, Unconsciously, Postponing Your Happiness?
During a seminar in Mexico, I was speaking about setting goals and a young woman named Ericka stood up and said, “What I desire the most in my life is to get my doctorate degree.” I asked her, “What will that give you?” She replied, “Happiness.” Then I asked, “How long will that take?” She answered, “Eighteen more months.”
As you read that dialogue, were you able to spot the hidden message that Ericka is giving herself every time she thinks about getting her doctorate degree? Perhaps you have said or heard others share similar expressions such as the following:
“I will be so happy when I get my dream house.”
“I will be happy when I create my own company.”
“I will be happy when I increase my sales by 35 percent.”
“I will be happy when I have a loving spouse.”
“I will be happy when I reach my goal.”
“I will be happy when he stops making me angry.”
The main issue with the statements above is that in order to get a dream house, reach your goal, increase your sales, get a doctorate degree or any other of these determiners, it takes time … and yes, you were right if you guessed that the hidden message Ericka was giving herself was that she will not be happy for 18 more months!
What if Ericka were to decide to be happy now? Will that make her a better student? Will she be able to enjoy the journey more fully? And, as a result, could she have a better chance of getting a great job if that’s what she wants to do after receiving her doctorate?
“There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.” Buddha
When we were born, the umbilical cord was cut, and now it seems we have it on our hands trying to attach it to other people, things or accomplishments to make us happy. It’s no wonder we keep going to things outside of us to try to derive happiness only to end up jumping to the next thing because our newfound happiness was short-lived. Has that happened to you?
Happiness is something YOU BRING to what you want to accomplish, to a relationship, to a goal, to a career, or to your college years because that is your true essence. I am not saying that we are not supposed to feel anger, pain or other feelings associated with being human … I am referring to your “default” feeling – the one you rest on for your normal living.
What would happen if you decided to be happy now? Would you get the dream house faster, increase your sales faster, or have better possibilities of attracting a great spouse because your natural essence is being a happy person rather than it being attached to a person or a thing?
Well, Edward, then, how can I increase my happiness?
Everybody is different, and if I were in front of you, I would ask you a few more questions to answer that more specifically. But, let me share the following items that represent a great start for anyone to increase their happiness:
- Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes, we are very hard on ourselves while being very flexible with others.
- Flex your rules for feeling happy. If you can be other than happy for no apparent reason, you can choose to be happy “just because” as well.
- Don’t put the responsibility of YOU feeling happy onto something or someone else. Cut the “umbilical cord.”
- Accept “what it is” and don’t let “what it is not” control you. Some problems will take longer to solve than others. Why wait to feel happy when you solve them? Maybe feeling happy about your ability to solve your problems will help you to resolve them faster.
- Count your blessings. As part of your morning and evening rituals, consider writing down a minimum of three things you are grateful for. Even though there may be reasons for not feeling good in your life right now, see what happens when you feel a deep sense of gratitude. For me, this has been magical. As William Penn said, “The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.”
As you integrate the five points above into your life, you may realize that being happy is your essence and that you gain more in life when you feel good now rather than postponing your happiness.
Get In-Powered!
Edward A. Rodriguez is a coach, co-author and transformational trainer. He is founder and CEO of Better Graphics (a promotional products company) and In-Powerment! Center (an international training company for productivity and personal development). He is an NLP, HNLP, and neuro-strategy certified trainer. He has many certifications as a life and executive coach, serving clients in different countries. Edward has developed internationally known transformational programs and has co-authored books like “La Biblia de la Motivación” (“The Bible About Motivation”) and “Empowered,” which was co-written with other authors such as Wayne W. Dyer, John Assaraf (from the movie The Secret), Brian Tracy, etc. For more information, call 1-888-2-IN-POWER or write to info@EdwardRodriguez.com.
