When it comes to fine dining, luxurious hotel accommodations, or other forms of service or travel, there is nothing that gives validation, credibility and trust to a brand than when they receive The International Star Diamond Award. It is the most prestigious emblem of achievement and true quality – an award many strive for but few obtain.
What if there were some upgrades you could make in your marriage or family that could boost your current rating and help you obtain that five-star status you’re striving for in your marriage and familial relationships? Here are the five questions to ask yourself that will move you toward your five-star rating.
1. The Foundation Question: What serves as the source of our beliefs?
Why is this so important? Because our beliefs determine our behavior. What you believe determines how you live. The question is, who or what are you allowing to influence and shape your views about life, marriage and family? Is it culture, friends, your parents? In Florida, where we live, we know firsthand the damage a category 4 or 5 hurricane can have not just on a home but on an entire city. We’ve seen it with our own eyes. Often, the only thing that is left after a catastrophic hurricane is the foundation of the house. What will serve as the foundation of your beliefs that will withstand the storms of life?
2. The Character Question: Who are we becoming as a couple or family?
We are living in a culture that is facing a values crisis. If there are cracks in the foundation of our core beliefs, there will be an erosion of our core values which can cause potential cracks in our character. Webster’s Dictionary defines character as “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” For example, honesty, integrity, patience, generosity, kindness, etc., are the virtues or values that serve as the guidelines and guardrails for our decisions. They impact our attitudes, beliefs and behaviors within our marriage and family.
3. The Intimacy Question: What do we say and how do we act toward each other that gives emotional security to our relationships?
What do I mean by emotional security? Does the atmosphere of your home and relationships feel like the safest places in the world? Relationships where everyone is free to open up and be known at the deepest and most intimate level without the fear of being blamed, criticized, judged or condemned? Imagine having a marriage or family where everyone knows that they are loved and accepted for who they truly are regardless of imperfections, differences or past mistakes?
4. The Life-Work Question: What career paths are worthy of our time and energy that don’t conflict with our beliefs, values and emotional needs?
Life is too short not to enjoy what you do. In our book Family Shift: The 5-Step Plan To Stop Drifting and Start Living With Greater Intention, we discuss the importance of identifying your GPS (Goals, Passions and Struggles). What are your goals and dreams? What are you passionate about? What struggles have you encountered that can be turned into your greatest strengths? Remember, we are made to make a difference! Our goals, passions and struggles help us to identify our unique callings and destinies that will bring joy and satisfaction as we invest our time and energy toward contributing to this world.
5. The Legacy Question: What do we want to be known for as a family that will influence future generations?
Legacy is more than just something we leave for our kids. It’s something we leave inside of our kids. Our beliefs, values, emotional security, and a sense of purpose are the very things that will outlive us. We live in a world that measures success by our positions, possessions and popularity in life. What if we redefine success as being loved and respected by those closest to us?
These five questions will give clarity that is sure to get you that five-star rating that you’re not only striving for but can actually obtain within your marriage or family.
