The trend of online dating in the aughts turned into the romantic norm of the 2010s with the emergence of “swiping apps” such as Tinder in 2012 and Bumble in 2014. According to a 2015 study from the Pew Research Center, 59% of Americans said that online dating was a good way to meet people – a 15 point increase from just 10 years earlier.

What helps make the platform so popular is how versatile it can be for people. A 20-year-old college student and a 50-something divorcee can both use different websites or apps in different ways to achieve different endpoints. Some people are looking for a steady, long-term relationship, some want a short fling, and some want to find a space roughly in between.

Regardless of the desired outcome, there are ways to act online that will make it more attainable. You don’t need shredded six-pack abs or a thigh gap to find connections online, but you will need to be a decent human being who knows how to present yourself.

Profile Pictures:

No matter what you’re using, the first, and perhaps biggest, things people are going to notice are your pictures. So, we need to make sure that they’re good. And yes, you need a picture – unless you want everyone you might message to think that you’re about to ask for their routing number.

The first picture someone sees of you should be clear and current. You may have had a full head of hair in 2013, but you’ve got to work with what you have now. 

You should also be by yourself in the image; people are probably going to swipe left rather than play a guessing game.

If you’re a man, or above the age of 25, don’t make your main picture a selfie. For some reason, I’ve never seen a selfie from someone born during at least the Reagan administration that looked good. And I’ve surely never seen a selfie from a straight man that looked natural. I don’t know why that is; I don’t make the rules around here. If I did, we’d get something like an hour of total internet time a week – but this is the world we live in.

You want people’s first impression of you to be that you’re fun, interesting, and have things going on. Maybe a picture of you on that hike, with a view of the mountains behind you. Or that picture of you and your friends on the boat during the girls’ trip. But make sure you do this without the showing-off vibe of “look how rich I am” or “look how often I work out.” You want to impress, but you don’t want it to seem like you want to impress.

Bio:

Nobody wants to read a long bio in your profile like a diatribe about your divorce, or a 300-word cover letter about why you’re a good choice. You can save telling people about yourself for the conversation later; the purpose of your profile is to get them to engage with you.

Keep it simple, the shorter the better. Remember in grade school, when you had to start an essay with a hook? Think of your bio as something like that – you want people to message you from it.

“How did you almost win a toaster on the NFL Network?” “Have you really been to 36 Grateful Dead shows?” “How did you become a volcanologist?”

Keep any crass qualifiers out. “No fat chicks” or “only guys over six-foot” might be what you’re attracted to, but you definitely won’t come across as a person one would want to meet.

Conversation:

We all know the Golden Rule – but here, I’ll posit that online dating should have the Silver Rule: talk to people how you would in person.

I’ve been shown messages from guys (yeah, they’re always guys) that are so filthy that I’d likely lose my job if I pushed to publish them.

Before you type a message, think to yourself – is it something you’d say to a stranger at the Publix produce section? Or over the hot dogs at a cookout? The fact that you’re interacting over a screen doesn’t give you license to make people uncomfortable.

There’s also no need to become upset at anybody for not responding to you or not matching your level of interest. They’re probably not into you, and that’s completely fine. Do you know how many people aren’t attracted to you? A lot – as in, billions of people. It’s better to focus on the people you have a chance with.There’s even an internet economy making fun of people who can’t tell the difference. If you want a guide on how not to woo somebody over a series of ones and zeros, check out the Twitter account @SheRatesDogs.