In a world increasingly focused on comfort and convenience, raising resilient kids has never been more crucial. As John C. Maxwell says, “Everything worthwhile is uphill.” Life is challenging, and while it’s natural for parents to want to protect their children, sheltering them from every difficulty can hinder their ability to develop the grit needed to thrive as adults. Instead, we should equip our children to face adversity, embrace challenges, and grow stronger. Here are three key ways to help raise up resilient kids:
1. Champion a Can-Do Mindset
A can-do, growth mindset – the belief that abilities can be developed through hard work and learning from failure – is foundational to resilience. It helps our children view challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles.
To encourage this mindset, praise your child’s effort instead of their natural abilities. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that.” This reinforces that success comes from persistence, not just talent.
When your child faces setbacks, encourage them to reflect on what they can learn. Ask “What could you do differently next time?” By framing failures as learning experiences, you help your child build the resilience to keep trying.
Modeling a growth mindset yourself as a parent is also vital. Share your own experiences with failure and how you overcame them. When children see you tackle challenges with determination, they’re more likely to do the same.
2. Champion a Solution-Focused Mentality
Resilient children are effective problem solvers. When faced with challenges, they assess situations, consider solutions, and take action. Teaching problem-solving skills empowers our kids to take control and responsibility of their circumstances rather than feeling overwhelmed by them.
Involve your child in everyday problem-solving. For example, if a family outing is disrupted by bad weather, involve them in brainstorming alternative activities. Ask “What else could we do today?” This teaches them that there’s always a way forward.
When our youngest child was diagnosed with a rare hip disease at the age of eight, his treatment plan to avoid surgery required him to spend three years in a wheelchair to allow his bone to rejuvenate and heal. This challenge demanded immense resilience, grit and patience. Despite being the hardest experience he had ever faced, the growth and problem-solving skills he developed during that time shaped him into the strong, resilient young man he is today.
When your child encounters personal challenges, guide them through the problem-solving process. Help them break down the problem into manageable steps. For instance, if your child struggles with a school project, encourage them to identify specific challenges and brainstorm ways to tackle each one.
It’s essential to let your child experience natural consequences and solve problems independently whenever possible. Resist the urge to swoop in and fix everything. Offer support, but let them take the lead. This builds confidence in their ability to handle difficulties on their own.
3. Champion Courageous Steps Forward
Resilience is built by stepping outside of one’s comfort zone. Encouraging your child to take healthy risks helps them to develop the courage to try new things, make mistakes, and learn from them.
Healthy risks can be as simple as trying a new hobby, speaking up in class, or making a new friend. The goal is to push beyond their comfort zone in ways that are challenging but safe.
When your child takes a risk and succeeds, celebrate their courage and effort. When they fail, help them see the value in the experience. Discuss what they learned and how they can apply those lessons in the future. For example, if your child tries out for a sports team and doesn’t make it, talk about how they can improve or explore other activities.
Sharing your own experiences with risk-taking, both successes and failures, can also be beneficial. It helps your child understand that risk-taking is a normal part of life and that everyone experiences setbacks.
Encouraging healthy risk-taking isn’t about pushing your child to do things they’re not ready for; it’s about gradually expanding their comfort zone and building their confidence in handling new situations. Over time, this leads to a resilient mindset where challenges are seen as opportunities for growth.
Raising resilient children goes beyond helping them cope with challenges. It’s about equipping them with the mindset, skills and courage to face life’s inevitable ups and downs with confidence. By encouraging a growth mindset, teaching problem-solving skills, and promoting healthy risk-taking, parents can help their kids develop the grit needed to navigate life’s challenges and emerge stronger on the other side. As parents, we have the privilege and responsibility to guide our children on this journey, helping them become strong, capable individuals who can thrive in an ever-changing world.
Rodney Gage is a family coach, podcaster, author, speaker and the founding pastor of ReThink Life Church, which meets at Lake Nona High School. His passion is to help families win at home and in life. To learn more about how you can get a copy of his new book called Why Your Kids Do What They Do, go to www.thewinningfamily.com or ReThinkLife.com.
