On June 1st, my wife and I celebrated 34 years of marriage. And no – we didn’t just survive those years – we’ve grown stronger through them. People often ask us, “What’s your secret?” I can sum it up in one word: priorities.
But before I share what’s kept us going for three decades, let me tell you how it all began…we met on a blind date. Not the kind set up by an app with an algorithm and 42 compatibility questions. No, this was the OG matchmaking service – our parents! That’s right. Long before Tinder or Bumble, we had the “Mom-and-Dad Matchmaking App,” where the bio read something like: “She’s a sweet girl from church, and her daddy’s a pastor – you’ll love her.”
Spoiler alert: I did.
It may not have been high-tech, but it was high trust. Our parents knew what we needed long before we did. And thankfully, they introduced us to the person we’d build a life with. Fast forward 34 years, and here we are – still holding hands, still laughing, still choosing each other through every season.
We didn’t get here by chance. We got here by choice. And one of the biggest choices we’ve made over and over again is this: to prioritize our marriage.
In a world that’s always busy – with work deadlines, kids’ sports, Amazon deliveries, and phones glued to our faces – marriage can easily slip into the background. But it doesn’t have to. Here’s how we’ve kept our relationship front and center – even in the busiest seasons of life:
1. Put It on the Calendar
If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen.
Let’s be real – your calendar is like a game of Tetris in hard mode. Meetings, appointments, school events and deadlines are stacked to the brim. So if we want connection to happen, it can’t be left to chance – it has to be scheduled with purpose.
A study from the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project found that couples who go on a weekly date night are 3.5 times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriage compared to those who don’t. That’s a stat worth putting on your calendar. Treat your date night like you treat your job interview – non-negotiable and show-up-worthy. Whether it’s dinner, coffee or just a walk, block the time, hold the time, and honor the time.
2. Don’t Wait for the Perfect Moment
Even small moments together make a difference.
Life won’t hand you the perfect moment wrapped in a bow. It gives you dishes in the sink, kids who need help with homework, and a car that’s low on gas. If you’re waiting for the ideal moment to prioritize your marriage, you’ll end up prioritizing everything else.
According to The Gottman Institute, marriages thrive not because of occasional grand gestures, but because of regular, small, positive interactions. In other words, it’s the five-minute check-in, the random “I love you,” and the kiss on the forehead before work that count the most. Think of your marriage like a bank account. Every small act is a deposit. And the more you invest, the more you build a balance of trust, love and emotional connection.
Quick Tip: Ask each other this simple question: “What do you need from me today?” It instantly creates emotional connection and shows you’re for each other – even in the small stuff.
3. Protect It Like a Business Meeting
You wouldn’t cancel on your boss – don’t cancel on your spouse.
If your boss scheduled a one-on-one meeting, you wouldn’t cancel because you were “too tired” or “something came up.” Yet many of us do exactly that with our spouse. It’s not that emergencies don’t happen – but over time, what gets canceled repeatedly gets communicated as unimportant.
Think of it this way: Your spouse is your lifelong business partner in the most important organization you’ll ever run: your family. Treat that partnership with the same level of honor and commitment you would give to your job or team.
Here’s what 34 years of marriage has taught me: Love isn’t lost with time – it’s lost when it’s no longer prioritized.
Our blind date may have been old-school, but the principles that have kept us strong are timeless. When you prioritize your marriage – intentionally, consistently and practically – you protect the most important relationship you have on this side of heaven.
Your job will change. Your kids will leave the house. The world will keep spinning. But the person sitting beside you today is the one you’ll grow old with.
So here’s your next move:
• Book the date.
• Send the text.
• Hold the moment.
• Show up.
Because in the tug-of-war between date nights and deadlines, the real win is choosing each other – even in the middle of the busy.
Rodney Gage is a family coach, podcaster, author, speaker, and founding pastor of ReThink Life Church, which meets at Lake Nona High School in Orlando. His passion is helping families win at home and in life. Struggling to balance work and family? Get weekly, bite-sized insights to help you win at work and thrive at home – straight to your inbox. To learn more, visit www.thewinningfamily.com or www.ReThinkLife.com.
