What if the very thing you think makes you a strong leader is actually holding you back?

Let’s rip the Band-Aid off: Control is not leadership.
In fact, the more you try to control… the more influence you lose.

And yet, this lie persists.

From the moment we step into a leadership role—whether we’re managing a team of five or steering a full-blown organization—we’re taught to believe that being in control is the mark of a good leader. Keep your hands on the wheel. Don’t let anything slip through the cracks. Check every box. Monitor every step. Approve every decision.

But here’s the truth no one wants to swallow: Control is not the same as trust. And control does not equal influence.

Reality Check: Why Control Backfires

Let’s look at the psychological side of leadership for a second.

When leaders try to control everything, they unknowingly send a message:
“I don’t trust you to do this without me.”

This kind of micromanagement may get short-term results, but it comes at a massive cost:

• Your team stops thinking for themselves.
• Innovation screeches to a halt.
• Motivation tanks.
• You become the bottleneck.
• And burnout? Inevitable.

Control feels productive… but it actually strangles the very growth you’re trying to lead.

The best leaders don’t control the process—they cultivate it. They create an environment where trust is the currency, and people are free to think, stretch, and lead from where they stand.

A True Story from the Trenches

A client of mine—let’s call her Rachel—was a regional manager for a retail chain. Smart, driven, and constantly in the weeds. She spent her days reviewing store-level reports, rewriting staff schedules, and double-checking every inventory order.

When I asked her why, she said, “Because if I don’t stay on top of it, it’ll all fall apart.”

Sound familiar?

She wasn’t wrong in her intention. But she was exhausted. Her team was frustrated. And turnover was at an all-time high.

So we stopped playing by those old rules.

Rachel started shifting from controlling to delegating. She gave her store managers decision-making authority—along with clear vision and expectations. She stopped hovering and started equipping. Within three months, she had cut her working hours by 20%, team engagement skyrocketed, and she finally took her first vacation in years—without checking her phone every 10 minutes.

Control didn’t create that success. Letting go did.

Wisdom Drop: Influence > Control

Let’s be clear: This isn’t about being passive. Letting go of control doesn’t mean letting go of responsibility. It means trading command-and-control for coach-and-empower.

Great leaders don’t have their hands in everything. They have their heart in the right place—and the vision to build a culture that leads itself.

Influence is what happens when people follow you because they want to, not because they have to. And influence only grows in environments where people feel trusted, empowered, and safe to stretch their wings.

From Control Freak to Influence Architect

If you’re ready to drop the lie and lead with real power, here’s where to start:

1. Start Asking, Not Telling.
   Before you give an answer, ask a question. Shift the spotlight to your team’s thinking and creativity.
2. Paint the Vision, Then Step Back.
   Your role is to clarify the “why” and “what.” Let your team figure out the “how.”
3. Celebrate Mistakes as Learning Moments.
   Control freaks fear mistakes. Influence architects use them as fuel for growth.
4. Resist the Urge to Fix Everything.
   Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not intervene. Growth happens in the gap.

Final Thought

Control feels safe. Predictable. Clean.
But leadership was never meant to be tidy. It’s meant to be transformative.

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or like you’re the only one keeping everything together—maybe it’s time to let go.

Not of the mission. Not of the excellence.
But of the lie that says you have to do it all.

Because the moment you stop controlling everything?
That’s the moment real leadership begins.

Want more leadership fuel so you don’t run out of gas? Tune into the Leader Fuel Podcast with Dr. Linda Travelute. It’s the fuel leaders need to keep going and growing. Find it on iTunes, Spotify, or Amazon Audible.