If you’re a regular reader of Nonahood News and, in particular, the best part – my insanely humorous column – then, I bet you’ve been wondering how I come up with such ingenious topics month in and month out. I mean, we live in Florida, right? When am I going to run out of material? I’m beginning to suspect never.  When I think I’m scraping the bottom of the swamp … [Read more...]

I think Florida Man gets a bad rap. Mostly from weirdos. If a “Florida man eats racoon raw” or a “Florida man marries alligator,” isn’t he simply a creep? What about the rest of us normal Florida men? I’ve explored this idea before, but I feel that there’s more ant-riddled ground to cover. So, here are some headlines that real news should be relaying: Florida Man greets … [Read more...]

It’s back-to-school season. Yay.  Our poor young people. One day, when their children whine about walking to school, today’s youth will be ready. They will speak of 105-degree walks in the middle of worldwide super-viruses. They will speak of sanitizers, masks and temperature checks whilst trying not to shrivel into a pile of dust. And when their children ask them what … [Read more...]

The topic of chores comes up a lot in my home. Maybe it’s because of the confines of COVID-19, but my astute wife has noted that I could comfortably live in a pig-sty. When she does, I remind her it could be worse; we could be stuck outside, where if the sun doesn’t get you, a gator, snake, or reckless driver will. Then, buzzards will pick at your bones. My wife sides with the … [Read more...]

If you want to write something funny, it’s a good idea to think of something painful. Summer vacation sounds good. I’m on one. I can hear all my cute little nephews and nieces playing a game downstairs that sounds like a not-pleasant scene from Lord of the Flies.  We decided this year that instead of going somewhere cool and refreshing, we’d go to the beach. At least … [Read more...]