It’s that time of the year again when the weather cools down, the leaves change color, apple cider and pumpkin spice become popular, and pumpkins make their debut. But for Floridians, we just get the orange gourds and pumpkin spice obsession. When October nears, I know there’s one thing I look forward to – Halloween Horror Nights (HHN)! This year’s theme: The Best Nightmares Never End. You’re invited to have the time of your life. Or what’s left of it.
I try and make attending Halloween Horror Nights a priority when the season rolls around. Lately, I’ve gone every year, but there have been a few I’ve missed. A younger me would probably thank the current me if that were possible. My first HHN was the year I moved to the Lake Nona area, 2002. That made me nine years old. Put simply, I lost my voice within 30 minutes of being there and scraped my knee when I fell from being frightened so badly. This was back when they used to hide inside the ride lines, which I personally think they should bring back. That way, you can’t really hide anywhere other than the bathrooms.
For those of you who’ve been to HHN before, you’ve probably noticed that if you manage to go through all the houses, you’re considered one of the lucky ones. To those residents who have yet to attend, I’d say at least try it once and see what you think of it. Take it from someone who actually bought the express passes two years in a row – it’s expensive! But it pretty much guarantees you’ll make it into every house, which I feel makes it worth it if you have the money to spend. Otherwise, buying a standard ticket and maybe using a little bit of black magic would suffice. I’ve been lucky enough to get into pretty much all of the houses most years, but there were a few where I was only able to get into three or four.
This spooktacular special consists strictly of my opinions on the houses and scare zones to help out the Nonahood residents on which houses I feel are worth waiting for in the long lines, especially if it comes down to having to pick and choose.
There is a total of nine haunted houses this year. Let’s check them out:
American Horror Story: Volume Two
I was told by a Hard Rock Cafe employee that it was the best and longest house…she was right about one thing.
The line said 45 minutes long; it was probably more like a 35- to 40-minute wait.
Overall, I thought this house was just okay. Now, I’ve never seen an American Horror Story episode, but it really wasn’t that scary. Besides the element of surprise, there really wasn’t much going on. Props were somewhat realistic, and some of the actors’ commentaries were pretty humorous. There was one section where a woman said, “You’re not man enough for my fajita.” If we’re being completely honest, I couldn’t stop laughing. I’d say the best part was when you enter a room and about halfway through there are scare actors on stilts – pretty intimidating with creepy characters towering over you. One room even smelled like straight up baby powder. It’s a fairly long house, probably about five minutes long.
3/5 stars
The Fallen:
45-minute wait
Lots of laughter and excitement with those walking out while I waited in line. This one was also just okay. Nothing super special, but there were lots of cool ideas as far as the scare actors go – lots of characters on stilts and popping out of little holes in the wall. The use of strobe lights helped to amplify the overall experience. The best part is when you approached a corner where a goblin-like scare actor flew toward you on a swing-like arrangement. If I were a scare actor, that’d be my choice! It looked like fun! There were times you had characters coming at you from the ceiling as well, and they basically just dropped toward you – pretty cool. If they timed it right, you’d definitely flinch. Lots of twists and turns in this one with props and fabric hanging from the ceiling obstructing your view. It’s a smart design/layout. Water sprayed at one point, and that felt nice with how hot it was. One of the Universal employees who helps guide you through the house was at the end. She said bye, and I knew she was setting us up. A scare actor popped out when you were already out of the house, when you’re least expecting it. Those are the best!
3.5/5 stars
Dead Waters:
35-minute wait
Large groups filed out laughing and enjoying themselves. Seemed like it must be really good. Absolutely the longest line, but it was worth it. I thought this was the best one so far! You immediately walk into a small, single-file line with black curtains, and you get an eerie sense that things are reaching for you through the curtains. You then instantly turned the corner to see what looks like a sinking old ship, which was pretty realistic. This house had lots of moments where I jumped. The props were definitely the most realistic in this house, and they even immersed you by having you walk on a slant in the beginning. That was cool, but if you’re clumsy like me, it could create an issue, especially if someone pops out and scares you. I thought the theme was carried along quite nicely with lots of strobe lights, fog and water spraying at one point, too.
5/5 stars
Horrors of Blumhouse
45-minute wait – line moved super quickly, more like 20 minutes long.
There were fans in line, FINALLY! I feel like that should be a given when in Florida as it’s absolutely necessary. As soon as you enter this house, there were lots of fog, twists and turns. There was a pretty excessive number of strobe lights, too. I thought this was going to create some issues. Overall, the house had some pretty cool props and a nice combination of three movies: The Purge, Insidious and Sinister. The two unfortunate souls in front of me will be having nightmares for the rest of their lives. This house would’ve been even better if those two girls in front of me weren’t constantly being targeted and getting scared, that way I wouldn’t have seen everything that was coming. There was a cool section where a scare actor was hiding in a pretty intricate clock setup. I think those two girls would rate this house 5/5 stars, but I didn’t get the same full experience they did.
4.5/5 stars
Saw: The Games of Jigsaw
45-minute wait
This was one of the houses I was really looking forward to going in. I kind of had higher expectations, but it still didn’t disappoint. I grew up as a fan of the Saw movies. I definitely enjoyed this house and had my fair share of screams. You only see Jigsaw once in the very beginning – I was hoping to see more of him, maybe like a robot of him riding the tricycle or something similar to that. I was expecting something like that. That would’ve certainly creeped me out. Needless to say, the infamous pig-headed character was all over the place, and that freaked me out a lot. There was a room with about 10 to 12 pig-headed characters where only a handful of them moved toward you in a strobe light. I have a love-hate relationship with those kinds of rooms. They really know how to make me cringe. However, it did feel like there were a handful of scare actors missing. Some of the traps from the movies could’ve had more focus directed on them. I didn’t pay as much attention to the details in the design and props because the pigs were out to play. This house also had tons of the black plastic strips that hang from the ceiling and quite simply whack you in the face and obstruct your view. Felt like a bit much, and if I had my way, I would get rid of a lot of those minor details. Overall, it’s really good, but I wish the rest of the scare actors were there.
4.5/5 stars
The Shining
30-minute wait
This was the longest of the lines throughout the night, so I saved it for last. It’s the one I’ve been looking forward to the most! The line broke out into a bunch of cheers and applause, which led to a “USA! USA!” chant. You have no idea how excited I was for this house. I had super high expectations as I’m a fan of the classic movie. Before entering, I noted how I was hoping to hear the classic “Here’s Johnny!” line, and how I was ready to see the creepy twins (okay, maybe not so ready…) and the bloody elevator scene. You start off walking through the hedge maze, and it was snowing. It was pretty nostalgic, but it kind of smelled like you had set foot in a bird’s cage. The props and set design in this house were spot on – super realistic! It felt a little scarce on scare actors, but that might have been because it was closing time. There was a glass maze that I definitely would’ve gotten lost in if it weren’t for the guys ahead of me. I got my fair share of “Here’s Johnny!” too! There were a couple of times I thought I was for sure going to get hit in the face with a prop with how close they came, but it’s all a part of the experience.
The twins only made a brief appearance and they were pretty hidden, and the little boy was only a doll on his trike which was a bummer. REDRUM was written on the walls and the classic axe through the door scene was dragged out through about the latter half of the house, so it got a little repetitive. The Jack Nicholson actor’s makeup impressed me at first, but then I noticed it was a weird mask that left their eyes uncovered, and the whole thing just seemed kind of weird. When I entered the ballroom/bar scene, everyone was frozen, and then the infamous strobe lights occurred and next thing I knew, a scare actor was in my face. I knew it was coming, too, but I was too slow to react. I exited through the hedge maze again, which was pretty spot on. I like how they tied the beginning and end together and really made it a continuous story to truly place you in the movie. The bloody elevator scene was okay, but I would’ve liked to have seen them go all out for that. Overall, I still really enjoyed it.
4.5/5 stars
The following three houses were closed due to a power outage, and the power was never restored.
Ash vs. Evil Dead
Scarecrow: The Reaping
The Hive
Unfortunately, those three houses being closed caused the other lines to increase by about 20-25 minutes, making them all over an hour wait.
What would HHN be without the scare zones? The same.
I’ve never been a fan of the scare zones. I feel like they aren’t as good as they have the potential to be. In my opinion, they aren’t scary and it’s rare that actors try to scare you.
The Purge
Busy section and too few actors. This area was definitely overcrowded, and I feel the lack of actors in the designated area failed to really make an impression.
Trick ‘R Treat
The decorations in this area were pretty cool, and they had a few characters that made me laugh because it was pretty much a potato sack or a box over the person’s head. Creepy little characters skipped around saying, “Trick or treat.” Hands down the best decorated.
Festival of the Deadliest
I never made it through this area as my focus was on the houses, but it seemed like something of a party.
Invasion!
One word: ALIENS 👽 Super short and pretty pointless. This section always seems to have a really short scare zone of maybe 100 feet. The event could’ve done without it.
Altars of Horror
This was the first scare zone in the park, and it was a combination of all of the other scare zones. It kind of seemed like they ran out of ideas and just threw this one together.
I didn’t make it to either one of the two shows, but I usually don’t waste my time waiting to see those when my priority is the houses. In 4½ hours, I was able to experience six out of the nine houses.
Needless to say, I was bummed that the three houses stayed closed the entire night, but I’m pretty happy I was able to do the two houses I was really looking forward to (The Shining and Saw). So there you have it, Nonaventure braves through Halloween Horror Nights 2017. Now it’s up to you to decide if you’re brave enough to get chased down and delve into the pits of darkness that we consider the thrills of October entertainment.
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