“It’s just not fair,” exclaimed Brandon Taylor, a millennial working at his first post-college job. “They assigned me to work on a group project with 4 of my teammates. Everything started out great. We had a couple of those ‘planning meetings’ with doughnuts and coffee and then, bam, everyone turned on me. The project leader, Henry, started handing out assignments, but all the tasks he tried to assign me were so boring. You should’ve seen the way they looked at me when I told them I didn’t want to do those tasks.

“Then they all ganged up on me and told me I had to do stuff. As the weeks went on, they kept demanding updates on my progress. Everyone was freaking out over these deadlines,” Taylor said. “I got some of the stuff done, but that wasn’t good enough for them. I filed a complaint with Human Resources, but they kept telling me that it wasn’t harassment. Then, Mindy got all uppity and told me my work wasn’t good enough and that she had to do it. Whatever!”

Taylor went on to explain, “So they finish the project and it goes on to save the company millions of dollars. At the quarterly recognition luncheon, the CEO went on and on about how great the project was and announced that Henry got a big promotion and Mindy got a huge bonus. What did I get? Nothing, not even a participation trophy. I went to all the meetings and everything. I played soccer when I was eight years old. I got a trophy even though I rarely went to practices and never played a game. When I complained to my manager, he told me I was lucky I wasn’t fired. That’s when I knew I had no choice but to file a lawsuit.”

We reached out to the company for their reaction to the lawsuit, but the company declined citing the pending litigation. They did, however, release the following statement, “We are very proud of our company’s legacy of recognizing and rewarding outstanding performance.” Taylor responded, “See, there they go again. ‘Outstanding performance!’ What about me? It’s just so unfair!”

Disclaimer: The Scallion and The Scallion Police Blotter are vain attempts at humor and are complete fiction, satire, or rubbish if you prefer. Any resemblance to any person, millennial, or criminal either living or dead is completely coincidental.

If you’ve made it this far and you’re like, “OMG” or, “you just don’t get us,”… yes we do. Lighten up, it’s just a joke!