When my children were little, we would start each summer off the same way: a trip to the Dollar Store, where we would stock up on sidewalk chalk, water balloons, pool noodles and freezer ice pops. We would spend the lazy days of summer being anything but lazy. We would go on bug hunts, have lemonade stands, host themed play dates, and take weekly field trips to local attractions and events. Those were days when I would spend an hour-and-a-half packing us all up to go to the pool, only to spend an hour actually there, and then two hours cleaning everyone up when we got home. But cuddling up with my freshly bathed babies with their little suntanned pink cheeks as we watched a movie or read a book always made it worthwhile.
As my children grew older, summer didn’t really change much; it still revolved around family time and was a chance to “catch up” on all things that we all were too busy to do during the school year. My children would sleep in more and stay up later, but for the most part, things were not that much different. Of course, there were more structured activities added to the mix, like swim team and Girl Scout camp, but ice pops in the freezer and cuddling on the couch after a day at the pool was always still a thing.
For their high school years, things did change a bit. There was a lot more driving them around to friends’ houses and outings, louder audible sighs, eye rolling and, yes, a bit more nagging to study for their SATs and to start college essays. But summer was still a time to relax and reconnect. Even the summer before my youngest child’s freshman year of college was chill. We spent days shopping for her dorm, buying tons of stuff we would eventually realize she didn’t really need. And at the end of the day, there were still cuddles on the couch as my sweet girl confided in me her fears of not making new friends and being on her own. And most importantly … there were still ice pops in the freezer!
After nine months, my baby girl has now returned home for the summer after completing her freshman year of college. While she has been home for visits and holidays throughout the school year, this summer break feels … different. She and her older brother are … different. They seem more mature. Not mature in the wash-their-own-clothes, put-dishes-in-the-sink-without-being-told sense. Mature as in this past year, they both have made and lived with the consequences of their own decisions. Some of those decisions were rewarding and lifted them up. Others … well, I am sure I will eventually hear about those over the course of the summer.
The thing that has surprised me the most this summer is how much my husband and I have changed over this past year, too! We aren’t the parents we once were. Our role in their lives has changed. We now are more of a witness to their decision-making than a participant in it. It’s not easy stepping back and not trying to fix things. But knowing our kids are at a point that they can fix things themselves is extremely rewarding. And for the first time, our kids are now seeing my husband and me as real people, not just Mom and Dad. They look at us when we’re speaking. They disagree with tact and, most of the time, humor. They have learned to respect our space and appreciate how our lives have changed, too. They see and can appreciate our passions that have nothing to do with them or with parenting.
This summer may not be filled with bug hunts or lemonade stands, but it will be filled with many glimpses of the incredible adults my kids have become and who they may become in the future. It will be filled with frank discussions about important matters where we will only offer our opinions when asked and not take it personally when they don’t agree. It will be filled with times when we are all doing our own things, appreciating the moments when we do get to be together instead of pining for more. And of course, it will be filled with ice pops in the freezer because you are never too old for frozen flavored sugar water in a plastic casting!
