Q: “What advice do you have for making New Year’s resolutions?” – Daniel
A: We’ve had plenty of time to think for the past 10 months. What thing have you thought about doing this whole time? What goal keeps resurfacing in your mind? Life has proven itself time and again to be unpredictable and short. What will you do this year to bring yourself peace, joy, and achievement? (Although, honestly, getting out of bed is an enormous accomplishment after making it through 2020.) Did you do any self-reflection that has led to any realizations? I know, for me, I’ve gained the Quarantine Fifteen, and I’ve had this time to motivate myself to get back to a regular workout routine. For many people, more than ever, there will be first-time gym memberships. Think about what you deserve. What project will bring you the most fulfillment? What is reasonably achievable? I recommend writing down your resolutions and placing them somewhere that you will see. Every. Single. Day.
Don’t be too discouraged if you don’t stick to your goals; you’ve had a hard year. Being conscious and putting forth some effort is better than not at all, and you are a better person for trying. However, do the best you can! Write things down, reflect on how you stuck to your goal that day, and celebrate every success and every milestone. These will keep your motivation high. Find a partner with a similar resolution and hold each other accountable. Calibrate yourself back to normal and do what you can to improve, always.
Q: “I feel like I’m drifting away from my partner. I don’t know whether I should stay or go. How do I decide what is best for me and our family?” – Janiel
A: I mentioned something a while back that was drilled into my head while studying international politics: One should choose to do the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people. However, that is not always accurate in this context. It is a hard decision and one that seems to be encompassing us recently. Quarantine with our partners has been awakening. The bottom line is that you should never put yourself in an unhappy position. You should never be ashamed for doing what will make you happy, and you should never be ashamed for leaving something behind that was not working. If you love your partner and know that they love you, maybe try dating again. Pretend like you’ve just met and ask questions you’ve never asked before, play games with each other, experience things together. Date them all over again. You may find the reignition of your spark, or you may solidify your suspicion that they are different people now. That may not work for you. Having kids together complicates things, but nobody knows your circumstances better than you. If it is dead, let it go, and give each of you a chance to continue their search for happiness.
If there is any hope for reconciliation through couples counseling, forgiveness, or communication, work hard at it. Love is a crap ton of work. When you both get used to one another after so long, you become settled, content. It can feel like you are falling out of love when in reality you are just a little too comfortable. Focus on this differentiation before you come to a decision. Use your resources and people around you to help sort your thoughts and collect input. There is nothing wrong with separation, and there is nothing wrong with fixing things: Both are honorable feats. I wish you the utmost happiness, and I hope that your decision will bring you solace.
