If you could use one word to define 2020, what word would you choose? According to the Collins Dictionary, they chose “lockdown” as the word of the year. I’m sure there are many words we could use to define 2020. However, as a family coach and someone who works with many couples and parents, I would use the word “drift.”  

Did you know if the nose of an airplane flying from Los Angeles to New York City is off just 1%, it will eventually end up 150 miles off course? Instead of landing at its intended destination in New York City, it could either be in Albany, New York, or Dover, Delaware. Chances are, not a single passenger on the plane would even realize it because that is not what they’re sitting on the plane thinking about on their journey. They’re either talking to the person next to them, falling asleep, reading a book, playing a video game, listening to music, or working on their laptop. In other words, they’re not paying attention. I firmly believe every family ends up somewhere, but few families end up somewhere on purpose.

Has 2020 caused you to drift off-course spiritually, relationally, emotionally, financially, or physically due to the pandemic, disruptions, and lockdowns? See if you can relate to some of these symptoms.

• D – Disappointment: The heartaches of life crowd out the joys. 
• R – Regret: Past failures haunt us. 
• I – Isolation: Feeling disconnected and alone in our disappointments and regrets. 
• F – Frustration: Everything is a grind. We do not see any progress or breakthroughs. 
• T – Tension: We’re always on edge, worried about what might come next. 

The problem with drift is that it is subtle. Like the airplane illustration above, it happens slowly, incrementally – so gradually that we don’t even notice how far we’ve moved apart from what could be and should be in our marriage, family, and individual lives. 

The good news is that we don’t have to live this way. Yesterday ended last night. Tomorrow’s pages are blank, which means today is the perfect opportunity to make a shift in your life, marriage and family. Today’s families need more than a prayer; they need a plan. 

As we prepare for 2021 and all the uncertainty and change that is most likely to occur, we can still have a clear plan that will help us stay on the course to becoming who we desire to be as a family. How can we stop drifting and start living with greater intention?

Start With the End in Mind

1. Evaluate: Spend some time reflecting on where you are spiritually, emotionally, financially, relationally, and physically. How far have you drifted? On a scale of 1-10, rate yourself, your marriage, and your family relationships. What changes or adjustments do you need to make?
   
2. Write: Thoughts disentangle themselves passing over the lips and through pencil tips. Put your vision for your life, marriage, and family in writing. A clear vision helps you define where you want to go and who you want to become in the most critical areas in your life. When you put your vision in writing, it gives you passion, motivation, direction, and purpose.

3. Share: If you’re single, share your vision and goals with a friend or family member who can encourage, support and hold you accountable. If you’re married, share your thoughts that you put on paper with your spouse. Agree to work toward encouraging and supporting each other and commit to writing a separate vision script for your marriage and family. If you have kids, invite them into the process and identify some objectives you can achieve as a family.

4. Commit: Your commitments can develop you or destroy you, but either way, they will define you. Author and speaker Michael Hyatt says, “A goal is not about what you accomplish. It’s about what you become.”

When you evaluate where you currently are, write down where you want to go and who you want to become, share your vision with others, and commit to making the necessary changes, you will experience these benefits.

• It will force you to clarify your purpose and direction.
• It will lead to clear, actionable first steps.
• It will give you the motivation to act.
• It will help you say no to good opportunities and say yes to the best ones. 
• It will help you avoid drifting and overcome apathy and resistance. 
• It will give you a clear understanding of the progress you make, so you can celebrate each step along the way.

Let’s commit to making “breakthrough” the word of the year for 2021.