According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 18.3 million children; 1 in 4 live without a biological, step- or adoptive father in the home. Now more than ever, we have a generation of men and women who grew up without a father figure in their home. It would be safe to say that most men and women don’t even have a healthy concept of what a father’s primary role and function is supposed to look like.
Recently, my wife and I celebrated 30 years of marriage in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. It was beautiful! One of the things that stood out to us at night were the stars. They shined so brightly against the crystal clear, black sky. Stars provide us more than beauty; they can also serve as a point of reference, direction and guidance. When it comes to knowing how to be a great dad – not perfect but great – where do we look for guidance?
Let me give you a NORTH STAR to follow. Picture the five points on a star to serve as a guide to help you navigate your journey of fatherhood.
Top Point: Faith to Hold Onto
The top point serves as our true north. It helps guide, shape and direct who we want to be as a father and who we want our children to become. As fathers, it is our highest and most important responsibility to help provide our children’s spiritual and moral compass that will help shape their identity, character, moral values and destiny.
As leadership expert John Maxwell said, “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. Everything rises and falls on leadership.” As fathers, we can’t delegate or defer that responsibility to anyone else.
Left Point: Emotional Support
There are five basic needs every child has:
Noticing
Encouragement
Empathy
Direction
Security
I realize this is an intimidating and challenging role that we play. However, if we want to provide a strong and healthy emotional foundation for our kids, let’s make it our goal to provide an atmosphere in our home that is the safest place in the world emotionally for your kids. They need to know they are loved, valued and accepted no matter what!
Right Point: Relational Connectedness
The National Stay At Home Network reports there are up to 1.7 million “stay-at-home dads.” Due to the pandemic, companies are allowing parents to work from home. However, with technology and the challenge of balancing the demands of work, life and home, it’s easy to be “present” with our kids but not really all there.
Dr. James Dobson states the average parent spends less than 14 minutes a week in meaningful conversation with their kids. Love is still spelled T-I-M-E! Be committed and make it a priority to invest in your children relationally. Be intentional with planning fun things together, eating meals together, and laughing together. Take time to enter into your child’s world and do things they enjoy!
Bottom Left Point: Vision for Life
Sir Isaac Newton said, “If it appears as though I can see farther than anyone else, it’s because I have had the privilege of standing on the shoulders of great men.” I was privileged to stand on the shoulders of a great dad. Even though he wasn’t perfect, he tried his best to be a great dad for my three brothers and me. My dad used to challenge us to think big! He used to say, “Little thinkers become big stinkers!”
One thing I have learned from observing other great dads is this: Vision can’t be taught, it must be caught! Technology and video games, in many ways, have limited our kid’s exposure to the outside world. Inspire your kids to get a vision for their life and future by exposing them to big events, big personalities, and big success stories from those who overcame obstacles. This will inspire and expand their vision for who they can become and what they can accomplish.
Bottom Right Point: Purpose to Pursue
One of the most rewarding things we can experience as parents is when our kids experience that moment when their gifting, skill sets, and strengths intersect with their passion. As we encourage them to combine their greatest strengths and passions with a mission or a “why” bigger and greater than themselves, we will have helped leave a legacy for the next generation. Remember, your most significant contribution in life may not be something YOU do but someone YOU raise.
