One of the greatest gifts we can give our children as a parent is self-confidence. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines confidence as a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something. 

How do you help your kids overcome their limiting beliefs and low self-esteem so they can rise above to reach their potential and succeed in life? Here are five things you can teach your kids to help grow their confidence.

1. Be Yourself. 

Sadly, too many kids and teenagers refuse to accept themselves. Therefore, out of their insecurity, they will be tempted to try and be something or someone they’re not. Help your kids see themselves as original, one of a kind, someone who has infinite worth and value, and someone who possesses qualities and abilities that are unique to them. Rather than allowing your kids’ values and beliefs about who they are to be shaped by popular culture, encourage them to be true to themselves and focus on their uniqueness, strengths, and what they do best. We are all created with equal value. However, we all have different abilities, personalities, gifts and talents.

2. Do Your Best.

Encourage your kids to aim for personal excellence, not perfection. Too many kids live with unrealistic pressure to fit into a mold or inside a box that may not be for them. For example, some kids thrive in a traditional approach to academics. However, some kids, like our youngest child, who is creative, struggled with school and had to work extra hard with the conventional approach to learning and academics. Even though we challenged him to give his best in school, we didn’t allow the “system” to force him down a learning path for someone with his type of learning skills. Instead, we encouraged him to pursue his right-brained, creative path to learning and pursue his passion for music. At 21 years of age, he signed a publishing deal with a record label in Nashville, Tennessee, as a songwriter and producer. Today, he is writing and producing songs with some of the most successful songwriters in the world. Help your kids discover what they’re good at and specialize in it. Encourage them to keep growing to be the best they can be at what they do best.  

3. Don’t Compare.

We’ve constantly reminded our kids it’s unfair to compare. Nothing harms our self-image and confidence more than comparing ourselves with someone else. Every time we compare, we are damaging our emotions. When we compare ourselves with others, the results are either vanity or bitterness. We can always find someone we’re doing better than, which can lead to pride. We can also find someone doing better than us, and we can get discouraged and bitter. Help your kids see that comparisons are irrelevant. Remind them of their uniqueness, encourage them to stay in their lane at what they do best, and never compare themselves with someone else.

4. Associate With Confident Friends.

Confidence is caught and is contagious. You see this demonstrated in sports as momentum shifts during a game. All it takes is for one player to make a basket, score a touchdown, or score a goal, and suddenly the atmosphere and attitudes of the entire team are lifted. Friendships are the same way. Iron sharpens iron. Insecure people always want to keep you off-balance to have the advantage over you through gossip, sarcasm, criticism or intimidation. Remind your kids that friends are like elevators. They are either taking you up or bringing you down. Help your kids identify and cultivate friendships with other secure kids, who have a quiet, humble disposition and a sense of confidence. Help your kids associate with other kids who excel in school, sports, music, etc. As your child spends more time around them, their confidence will grow as well. Remember, a rising tide lifts all the boats!

5. Serve Others Through a Worthwhile Purpose. 

The most confident people I know are those who have a sense of purpose for living. They know where they’re going. When we share with others and add value to them, it brings satisfaction and fulfillment because you know you’re making a difference in someone else’s life. To help build confidence in your child’s life, help them find a cause greater than themselves. Sometimes a passion for serving others is birthed out of our pain. Our second child has struggled for years with an autoimmune disease. It has caused her a tremendous amount of pain and discomfort. However, her pain birthed a passion for helping others who struggle with the same condition. She is currently pursuing her medical career to help serve and care for others who share the same disease she has. Inspire your kids to turn their struggles into their greatest strengths and to use their pain as a platform to serve others.