Years ago, our family went to a spring training baseball game at Disney’s Wide World of Sports to watch the Atlanta Braves play. After the game was over, the announcer invited all the women attending the game to come down to the ball field to participate in a contest. They had buried a one-carat diamond in the dirt in the infield of the baseball diamond. They gave each woman participating in the contest a plastic spoon and instructed them to line up against the fence in the outfield. At the sound of the gun, the women were to run as fast as they could to the infield and start digging in the dirt. The object of the contest was simple. The lady who found the diamond first got to keep it. I don’t recall seeing any women leaving the stadium early that night! At the sound of the gun, the women took off running toward the infield and started their digging. After about 20 minutes, a woman started jumping up and down, screaming with excitement. She had found the diamond!
If there is one lesson I learned from watching hundreds of women that night, it was this – none of those women ran to the infield to go looking for the dirt. Instead, they ran as fast as they could to look for the diamond.
Imagine how different our family relationships would be if we focused on the diamonds rather than pointing out “the dirt” and the imperfections of each other. There is nothing more demoralizing to a relationship than digging up all the negative things in another person to reinforce unfulfilled expectations.
Sadly, we live in a negative and toxic culture. Now more than ever, it is essential that we learn to become a good finder, especially with your kids. Here are three things you can do to find the diamonds and bring out the best in your kids.
- Give Confidence.
Giving our kids the confidence that we believe in them brings out the best in them.
Acceptance always precedes transformation. The best way to bring out the best in your kids is to see the best in them by giving them the confidence they need.
Here is what I know to be true after nearly 30 years of working with families. Nagging, criticism and pointing out failures and imperfections never change anything or anyone. The only thing nagging and negativity do is de-value our children. They create an atmosphere of insecurity. If we consistently point out the diamonds (positive qualities) in our kids, they will grow with greater confidence in themselves and live with a greater sense of security.
2. Give Vision.
It’s not about seeing our kids as they are but rather for who they can become. Our kids tend to live up to what we expect. Studies show that we become what we believe the most important people in our lives think about us.
An excellent example of how this works is a story from Bruce Wilkinson, an author and teacher. Years ago, he was a new professor at Multnomah University, and at the first faculty meeting, he received his class assignments. Another professor saw his sheet and said, “Bruce, you’ve been given two of the section A classes. They’re the brightest students in the university. They’re engaged and a joy to teach. You’re fortunate to have section A students in your first year.” Bruce discovered that to be true – he absolutely loved teaching those kids. They were so much more fun to teach than the other classes. They were smarter and asked better questions.
At the end of the year, Bruce told his department supervisor, “Man, I sure hope I get the section A classes again next year!” The supervisor told him, “Bruce, there is no section A. We canceled that program six years ago.” When Bruce went back and checked his grade books, he found that those “section A” classes may not have been advanced placement, but they got more A’s and wrote more thoughtful term papers than his other classes. Bruce realized that because he expected them to be better students, they rose to the challenge.
As parents, we will have the opportunity to shape our children into who they can become by the positive expectations we have of them.
3. Give Patience.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, nor is there such a thing as a perfect child. We are all a work in progress. Our kids will make mistakes, and they will fall short of our expectations. However, as we continue to show confidence in their lives and expect the best of them, they will flourish.
What is the key to having patience with our kids? It’s love! The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time, and the best time to love is now. As you extend grace and encouragement along the way of your parenting journey, you will see your children thrive and bring great joy and reward to your life as a parent.
