“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.”
– Freya Stark
When I was a kid, one of my favorite toys was called “Stretch Armstrong.” It was a large, gel-filled action hero. The amazing thing about Stretch Armstrong is that even though it was only 15 inches in its original size, it could be stretched up to 5 feet. After it was stretched to the max, it would slowly return to its original size. Of course, as a kid, the goal was to see how far it could be stretched without causing a tear. What I quickly learned is even Stretch Armstrong had limitations. Needless to say, we figured out how to make Stretch Armstrong break. Even though we tried to repair the toy with the adhesive bandage that was included inside the box, we learned that Stretch Armstrong was never the same after it had been stretched beyond its limitations.
The example above describes many modern-day families. They are stretched beyond their limitations with work, school, domestic responsibilities, and extracurriculars to the point that marriages and families are being torn apart.
Small Business Trends surveyed 38 countries on work and life balance. America ranks 30th in balancing work and home. Full-time U.S. workers spend an average of 8.15 hours per day working. In addition, 33% work on Saturdays, Sundays and holidays, which leads to the reason why 66% of all full-time employees strongly believe they do not have a healthy work-life balance.
Sadly, we live in a culture that says, “More is better.” Everywhere you turn, we are bombarded by advertisements that remind us of all the things that we don’t have and attempt to sell us on all the things we need in order to be happy. Therefore, we are driven to have more “upgrades and experiences” so that we don’t miss out on all the “good things” life has to offer. Yet, all of this causes us to say “yes” to even more things, which takes up more time and money.
Have you noticed the default language we use when people ask us, “How things are going?” We typically say things like …“Things are crazy right now.” “We’ve been so busy lately!” “We have been going non-stop.” Unfortunately, we seem to justify all of these statements by believing three lies:
“There is just not enough time to do everything.”
“It’s just a busy season I’m in right now.”
“But, this is really important right now.”
I must confess, I have used all of these default statements and believed all three of these lies. No matter how we try to rationalize and justify our overstretched and busy lives, it is pulling our families apart.
How to Balance Work and Home
- Admit the Lies
Stop believing that more is better; stop saying it’s a season … a season is not busy. People are busy. We all get 24 hours a day. We have 168 hours in a week. The question is where and how are we spending our time. Put it on paper. Look at how and where you’re spending your time in a typical 24-hour day and seven-day week. You might discover you have more time than you think.
- Name Your Distractions
Identify your commitments that are competing with the things that you say are important to you. How do you know if something is a distraction? You feel guilty because the commitment you said yes to is robbing you from the things you say are important to you. Something or someone is being cheated from your time and attention, and it is causing guilt and regret. Some of the things that take up time might not be bad things; some might even be necessary. However, if you have too many of those things going on at the same time, then they can turn into distractions that rob us from what is better.
- Choose What Is Better
This is the Shift we have to make if we’re going to get our lives back. We have to start eliminating the unnecessary distractions that are competing with our values and priorities. We have to embrace the truth that we can have more by doing less. How? Claim your calendar before something or someone else does. Learn the difference between what is urgent and what is important. Everything might be important in your eyes, but not everything is urgent.
Remember, busy is not better … better is better.
Rodney Gage is an author, speaker and family coach. He is also the founding pastor of ReThink Life Church. His passion is to help families live with greater intention. To learn more, check out rodneygage.com & rethinklife.com
