Researchers in Medical City are making groundbreaking advancements toward reversing a decade-long increase in the number of diagnosed cases of the disease Narcissista Absurdum. To learn more about the disease and the progress being made, we spoke with Medical City spokesperson, Ima Write. Write said, “This has been a long and arduous journey that required cooperation among … [Read more...]
DOT Completes Project on Time – Nonahood News Scallion
State transportation officials were left red-faced when an internal audit revealed that one of their construction projects was completed on time. A routine annual audit revealed that a small construction project was actually completed a few days ahead of schedule. Officials were further troubled by the fact that the project was also completed below budget. In an … [Read more...]
Millennial Sues Over Missing Workplace Participation Trophy
“It’s just not fair,” exclaimed Brandon Taylor, a millennial working at his first post-college job. “They assigned me to work on a group project with 4 of my teammates. Everything started out great. We had a couple of those ‘planning meetings’ with doughnuts and coffee and then, bam, everyone turned on me. The project leader, Henry, started handing out assignments, but all the … [Read more...]
Police Respond To Suspicious Person
Police Respond To Suspicious Person Police responded to a “suspicious person” at a local coffee shop Thursday. Witnesses claim that a middle-aged man entered the coffee shop empty handed at approximately 8:30 a.m., ordered a regular coffee and then sat at a table and drank it. Fellow patrons were suspicious when they noticed the man didn’t have a laptop, smart phone, … [Read more...]
Retired ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ Predicts 2016 Winter
“Oh sure,” exclaimed Phil, “I used to be famous.” We caught up with the former Punxsutawney Phil in his retirement home in The Villages just north of Orlando for his take on this year’s winter and to learn a little about his life. “My given name is Eugene and I’m originally from Scranton. I changed it to Phil and moved to Punxsutawney when I decided to get into weather … [Read more...]